Teaching our children how to personally communicate in an age of instant communication and artificial intelligence, could now be one of the greatest challenges of our lifetime. Ironically while parents have become overprotective “helicopter parents”, they have unintentionally weakened the immune system of their children’s brain. As a result, they are weaker in terms of dealing with real life challenges as adults, and therefore in many ways, are even less protected.
It used to be the job of parents to expose their children to the outside world but today it appears it is just as important to protect our children from the outside world. So, we recognize that there is a balance between parents’ needs for reassurance, in an era of fear and insecurity, to make sure our children are safe, versus raising our children to be resilient, confident and stress-free adults.
A common theme emerges: despite our best intentions, today’s parents may not be equipping their children with the best tools to grow into independent, competent adults. It’s not that parenting was better or worse in previous generations. In fact, we believe that parents today have a special relationship with their children, possibly greater than in any prior generation, exposing them to more enriching experiences and wonderful opportunities than ever before.
Setbacks, failures build our children for the future
Parents enjoy a closeness with their children that yesterday’s generation may never have had. The previous generation of moms and dads were a bit more ‘hands off’, allowing their children to take risks, assume responsibility for their setbacks and be a few steps removed from their day-to-day lives. One outcome of today’s style of parenting is that there is a reluctance to let our children truly experience risk. We tend to rescue too quickly, to swoop in and fix a situation that might be best left up to them. Simply put, we don’t allow our kids to see that setbacks and failures are actually a wonderful opportunity for long-term successes and happiness.
Summer camp replicated in other ways works wonders
As a Camp Owner and Director for over 25 years, it is clear to me that one of the most important experiences for children in light of the technology-driven and instant-gratification world we live in, is overnight summer camp. It gives back to our kids what we are forced to take away from them in the city – a measure of freedom and independence with healthy risk taking. It teaches them natural and spontaneous play. Perhaps just as important, it gives back to parents what they need – a break from the demands of having to constantly shield their kids from possible dangers.
But whether summer camp is the answer for you or not, or is just unaffordable, it’s important to carve out similar types of experiences with your children at home throughout the year that mimic the benefits of a summer camp experience.
One way to apply the summer camp experience to day-to-day life at home is to remember as parents, to change gears and resist the temptation to affect your child’s every day or try to solve their every problem. Resisting this temptation is usually the best way to benefit your child. Kids have challenges but you don’t have to always make them happy in the moment; instead aim for happiness in the long term. Instead, you can support them, love them and let them know they are safe and cared for, but tell them that figuring out things for themselves or dealing with adversity will benefit them in the long term. Each time they surmount a hurdle without relying on you, they grow immensely.
The Importance of the Outdoors
The power of summer camp is the “social capital” that is lacking in today’s technologically-driven society. Dinner parties, clubs, family picnics, and play times are all down 40%. Happiness begins with a feeling of connection, supported by positive role models who give kids that all-important sense of belonging. If there ever was a time for our next generation to learn about the power of direct (not computer-driven) social connections, it is now.
The average child has less than thirty minutes of outdoor play per week. Fifty years ago, that number was triple this amount! Children today have what we call, ‘NDD’ (nature deficit disorder), and ‘ODD’ (outdoor deficit disorder). This is why it is so important to get your children outside, get them in the warm weather to experience a campfire, or go for a walk on a beautiful trail, no matter what the temperature. After a rainstorm, get them outside to jump in the puddles. Going for a walk anywhere, whether in the city or on a country trail, is proven to reduce anxiety, and allows us to gain perspective in our lives. Apply these same concepts to your life as well!
Did you know the greatest way for children to develop life skills is to play outside with friends? It’s that simple. Unstructured play time is critical and guess what? It’s free! Resilience develops at a simple level, where genuine “play” is the most powerful tool to foster social skills. It teaches kids how to manage negative emotions and take manageable risks. Play allows children to make their own decisions and solve problems within a structured and safe environment in a subtle manner, with caring and nurturing parents providing key role modeling and support.
Phone Detox, Phone breaks
One of the best ways to create a healthy social interaction is to create family dinners with no phones allowed at the table. If this means enrolling your children in one less afterschool program to allow your family to eat dinner together at least 3-4 times a week, do it! After all, kids are over-programmed and need time to be on their own, and to figure out how to navigate some free time as well! Every study regarding technology-free family dinner times, has shown it is the most positive influence on your children.
The physical world is no more dangerous than it was 75 years ago. This is a fact as much as we think otherwise. The reality is, because of instant news and social media, we are aware of every danger, and so it appears it’s far scarier out there than it used to be, but it’s not! In today’s digital world, protecting your child isn’t optional—it requires educating them.
As a current life coach and previous camp director, I have spent countless hours working with parents, to help ensure that their children are protected but not coddled. The goal is to avoid kids from growing up anxious and scared, but rather to develop confidence and motivation, in order to take up the challenges that life offers them. This is not an easy task. Working out schedules of screen use, structured play, family dinners, or free play requires time and effort. It requires support from your schools, community, friends and advisors. It requires you having the strength to not follow the trends and instead lead the pack. Get advice, as it’s not easy raising kids!
Spend the time to create your family plan
Make sure you sit down and spend the time to actually plan out your approach to parenting. Join your school in creating phone-free classrooms. Many classrooms have now banned children from bringing phones to school! I have helped parents advocate for this and parents ultimately want this, but are scared to be the ones to instigate this change. Get your children phones that just have what they really need – a way to contact you in an emergency, but disconnects them from the online world.
Model and teach your children so they know that the best communication is face to face for discussing serious issues, to tell someone something wonderful, or to relay a concern or why they are upset. Spend time explaining to them what can be said in a text versus what should be said in person.
Simply be as proactive in protecting your children from dangers as caring about planning your family life, so your children learn to play outdoors, talk face to face, interact with family members, and figure out for themselves, with support, how to solve a problem.
Being a parent is the toughest job in the world. It’s ok to ask for help. None of us ever get it right, but we can put the time in to try.
